Chemo Bingo

I need to make up some bingo cards for Chemo.  Squares would say things like:

Nurse Missed the Port

Nurse Pounds in Second Attempt

Crying over Port Tape Removal

Emotional Meltdown

Subsequent “Relaxer” IV Injection

Hit IV Pole on Ankle on the Way to the Bathroom

Snack Run

Water Run

Warm Blanket Request

Nurse in Blue Gloves

Nurse Now in Thicker Orange Gloves – and Gown

Nap in Chemo Chair

Brain Freeze

Rash on Face

Back Rash

Nausea

Dry lips

Mouth sores

Peeling fingernail

Peeling toenail

Dry nose

Bloody nose

Fatigue

Steroid High

Steroid Crash

Forgetfulness

Food Tastes Like Cardboard

Burning Granix shot

Bone Pain

Back Labor

Swollen Tongue

Hair Loss

Prescription Write Up

Prescription No Thank You

I could do body functions but that would just make too elementary-school, “potty talk” (which I’m not above, but my mom and Kira read this).  I also know I’m missing 328 side effects, but I have chemo brain.

Then, for more Bingo cards we would have the blood pressure readings:

No numbers lower than 80… and … no numbers lower than 80 … but pretty good into the hundreds (sometimes both the top and bottom numbers, I’m such an overachiever).  My blood pressure has seen numbers where nurse/doctor people stand really close to me and shoot worried glances at each other.  In my defense, one of those times it was pre-“official”-diagnosis, following an ultrasound biopsy and the doctor and I were looking at this huge black mass on the screen and she was telling me “we are already putting a (cancer) team together for you.”

Shut up about that just being “one of the times.”  You coulda just skipped that part.

Who’s got paper?